You meet a guy. You start a relationship. The two of you get close. You think you can tell him anything. You think you should tell him everything.

Think again.

There are five things most men don’t really want to know, especially early on. Before your flirtation has become a relationship with a capital R. So tell at your own risk. Shared secrets can build trust and intimacy. But remember: once a secret gets out of the mouth, it can never go back in.

Here are the top five; tell them at your own risk:

- 1. Men don’t want to know how they measure up against your exes.

This is usually true even if the news is good. Surprised? Don’t be. Most men don’t want to believe there was ever anyone else in your life. Especially anyone that mattered. Even more, they don’t want to be consciously aware that you are indeed making comparisons, even if they know this deep down.

- 2. Men don’t want to know the details of your current diet or food plan.

If you’re a vegetarian, vegan, or kosher keeper, and so is the guy, he is probably interested in the details of your food plan. That may be true of meat-eaters, too, if you’re thinking of moving in together. And people who are inherently and deeply interested in people, them too. Otherwise, too much information is boring.

If you have many dietary restrictions, check out restaurants in advance, and pre-select potential menu choices. Your conversation can be about delicious dishes you can choose from—instead of what you can’t have, can’t do, or find gross. Begin with conversation about interesting topics you have in common, and less about what separates you.

- 3. Men don’t want to know that you’re turned off by baldies, especially if they’re heading in that direction.

Honest, you get to choose who attracts you, but why insult someone? Do you want to know that your date finds you inadequate because of your B cup? Didn’t think so. Be gracious and kind, and expect him to return the favor.

- 4. Men don’t want to know that you think your boss is hot.

Or your (male) assistant. Or the guy at work who lunches with you everyday. Don’t volunteer the information. And your man ever meet that hot assistant or boss, and notice that he’s hot, and ask what you think of this competitor, well, you’re absolutely shocked to hear that so-and-so is hot…because, um, you think of him as a brother, and the thought of anything more is, frankly, somewhat disgusting.

- 5. Men don’t want to know that you think your female colleague is hot enough to make you switch sides. (Except … some men do.)

Competition is competition.

Except when it’s not. After all, she is a girl. And so are you. And if you’ve never gone in for lesbianism, he probably figures you won’t now, not seriously.

Yet the thought of two women bonding, playfully, with him in the middle, is incredibly provocative, even if it never quite happens. Something to consider: once you raise the possibility, you can’t ever take back the mental pictures it creates. ©2008 by Wendy Lapidus-Saltz. All rights reserved.